A post announcing the death of Terence Carter, my beloved husband and half of Grantourismo, is one I could never have envisaged writing in 2010 when we launched this site. After three weeks with dengue fever, unable to leave our bed for several days but refusing to go to hospital, Terence tragically died suddenly, unexpectedly and alone at home in Cambodia, while I was in Australia caring for my mum. I was due to fly back to him on 28 October and begged him to hang on for me. Terence died on 21 October. I’m absolutely heartbroken and can’t imagine a future without my darling partner in love and life.
I’ve sat down so many times to write this post to tell you about Terence’s death, but I couldn’t see through the tears. Not to mention how much there is to do here. But my beloved husband, Terence Carter, talented musician, photographer, travel and food writer, travel guidebook author, editor and filmmaker, and a former publishing manager, passed away on 21 October, a day after my birthday, and mere days before we were due to be reunited. I’m devastated and cannot see how I will ever recover from this loss.
As many of you know, I was forced to return from Siem Reap, where we’ve lived since 2012, to Australia in December 2023 after Mum had been served an eviction notice – by her now-estranged brother and sister-in-law! I packed a 7-kilo carry-on, gave my darling Terence a hug, and said I’d see him in a month or two. It’s been 2 years and 10 months since that day. If I would have known I might not see my husband again, despite my love for my mother, I would never have left Terence.
But I had no idea I’d be stuck in Australia for so long. I spent 18 months fighting eviction notices and searching for rental properties during Australia’s worst rental housing crisis; I applied for 98 properties! Then, in the midst of moving Mum to a new apartment, I found myself supporting her through a cancer battle, then, early this year, a dementia diagnosis. I was told by Mum’s doctors I couldn’t leave her alone, so I had her assessed for ‘support at home’ carer services.
The tragedy of Terence’s death is that Mum’s carer service funding was just recently assigned and I missed seeing my love after so long by only a matter of days. Terence contracted dengue fever four weeks ago, as I was putting things in place for Mum and planning to travel back to my love on 28 October to get him to hospital (he refused arrangements I was exploring with a carer company), nurse him back to health, and try to persuade him to return to Australia for tests and treatment. We were so looking forward to seeing eachother at last! But, sadly, Terence’s body didn’t hold out.
Terence was fit and healthy when I left, going to the gym daily. He had peripheral neuropathy from Long Covid, and told me his hands, feet and legs felt increasingly numb, but he was fighting that through a regimen of multivitamins, exercise, and diet. But this year, one thing after another went wrong: Terence was hit by a motorbike and left for dead, from which he thought he’d been concussed (rescued by a tuk tuk driver who then stole his phone); he experienced severe heat stroke in April, from which he never fully recovered, after Pepper fell from the balcony and he spent three days searching for her in 40+ degree heat; and then he thought he contracted Covid, but later felt certain it was dengue fever, which everyone has been getting in Siem Reap.
I’ll leave it there for now, as I’m getting upset again, but I’ll add more here later this afternoon. I have so much to do here in Phnom Penh, where the Police took my beloved Terence’s body. I arrived back in Cambodia on Monday morning; just 4 days ago but it feels like weeks. I had to spend 2 nights in Siem Reap due to the landlord of our apartment who wants me to move out ASAP and is trying to extract US$6,000 in “damage”. Everything just needs a really good clean, which I started.
I travelled to Phnom Penh early Wednesday morning to Evergreen Funeral Home (which is excellent) and said goodbye to my love, spending a good 30 minutes with my darling Terence. I didn’t want to leave him and begged to see him again, but was told it wasn’t possible as I’d wanted an open coffin. I’ve since decided against that, as I simply can’t afford it. (For some reason, it’s more expensive). As it is, as I’ve been a full-time unpaid carer to Mum since I returned, I’m having to rely on the kindness and generosity of dear friends to fund Terence’s funeral and cremation tomorrow morning.
Despite Terence’s declining health, we were confident we could get treatment after tests and so on, and we had so many plans, so many projects to complete, so many places still to go, so many meals to cook together, and so many cuddles with our cat Pepper. I’m in shock and for the most part, inconsolable, especially when I’m alone at night. I still can’t believe that I will never see my beloved husband again, one of the most loving, caring, creative, and intelligent human beings I’ve ever known; my sweetheart since I was 16 going on 17 and he was 21; and my partner in love, life and work.
Friends have been donating via the Go Fund Me page I set up for Mum, as all of this is connected to the whole sorry mess that began when my Mum was evicted. But I’m trying hard to start a Go Fund Me for Terence and myself, as I still need support to cover a payment to the landlord of our apartment for the “damage” of what I’m told will be in the vicinity of US$6,000, which is a bit of a joke for a mattress and fridge! And there are other related expenses that I’ll outline on that GFM page.
If you are able to donate, I’ll be forever grateful and at your service. Also happy to repay loans once I can start to publish his again, increase the income once more, and get on my feet again. I have no choice, as while the love of my life is gone I still have a mother to support. If you can’t help – and please don’t worry, if anyone gets it, it’s me! – please continue to support our site, a passion project of T’s and mine since we launched it in 2010. You don’t have to click on ads, just read posts, cook our recipes, share our travel guides, itineraries, and food and travel stories with friends.
I’ll add more to this hasty post later.
My darling is being cremated in the morning here in Phnom Penh and I have to prepare for that.
With love,
Lara (& Terence in spirit, I hope!) xxxx
